Letters to Merlin: Love, Guinevere
Today, I went to our glade just like we used to. Tilda baked some wonderful seedcakes and they smelled so fantastic I couldn’t resist sneaking some out.
I told Sefa to relay that I’m feeling unwell and would stay in my chambers for the day, but I think Sir Leon was suspicious.
Serving Camelot, being her queen – it feels so right. But sometimes I cannot help but miss moments such as this. I can almost imagine you’re here beside me.
I am absolutely certain I saw you in that alcove. Gaius believes I saw but a flitting shadow — and that my mind tricked me into believing that you have returned. My mind healing and grieving.
But it was you, wasn’t it?
Why wouldn’t you come home?
Today, the druids of the Darkling Woods came to me after the ban on magic was lifted.
Somehow, I half-expected to see you amongst them. But I was not hopeful, for hope can be crushed quite cruelly if not tended to.
Do you know what they had called me? The Once and Future Queen. You must know.
It has been exactly fifteen hundred days since I’ve seen you. So I went to our glade again, picked purple flowers that we always gifted each other.
I miss you so, so much.
So much has changed since you’ve been gone. I wish you were here to see it.
Your mother went to visit Camelot today. We talked about Ealdor. And you.
I was amazed to learn that Hunith holds so much faith in you, that she had known of your great destiny since the day you were born into this world.
She stayed for a while to help out Gaius, but travelled again after a fortnight, saying she cannot bear seeing your old room.
I knew you were watching over me. Why wouldn’t you let me see you? Do you feel as though you have failed me?
Arthur’s death was not your fault. And I wish you would hear it from my own lips.
Gaius has passed away. He was a most trusted friend and advisor, and I cried whilst singing the lament I wrote.
I ordered for the physician’s tower to be locked, but I went there beforehand, and was surprised with your favourite meal served on the table across his own.
I am still reluctant to leave Camelot for diplomacy, even after all these years. I am scared that if you chose to come back while I was away, you would leave again.
But I went anyway, just like all the other times. Princess Mithian and Sir Leon plighted their troth on the fourth day, and it was beautiful.
Can I see you before I join Arthur in the afterlife?
Meg (ilfirinxemrys) is a student with an affinity for dark humour, the beauty of implicit romance, and coffee. Having fallen in love with reading at the not-so-young age of twelve, she would read and write anything for as long as it will provide her with the telling sense of escapism. Does whatever a struggling writer can, indeed. Her other works: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eruanna_the_Fool/works. Her Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ilfirinxemrys.