sorrow finds reasons to slip into my bed tonight by Anushka Bidani

Edit: YouTube user sexibatman
Original pictures: Marvel Studios

because home has always been the spaces between  
your genius & the obstinacy coursing through my veins;  
this slumber is fitful & miraculous & unnecessary for  
what is the point of laying my head down this sorrow  
to sleep if the skies are all regular blue i miss you & this space   
feels foreign again. i have been in this body for almost a  
century’s worth of earth’s revolutions around the sun & yet,   
it feels like something to run away from, for what is the point   
of the strength in my muscles & the iron in my bones if they 
weren’t enough to save the man i love?   
sorrow doesn’t need a reason to seep into my skin  
but tonight, when the flowers curl around the moon my bones  
find empty spaces to clank against because home has always been   
the space between your beautiful mind & the gratitude coursing through   
my veins hollow like logs of wood: do the trees grow tired of witnessing  
humans turn homes turn wisps of smoke where do i lay this sadness  
down, how do i build a new home?     

from s. r. to t. s.   

(mcu: Avengers: Endgame
when tony stark dies)      

Anushka Bidani is a poet & essayist from India.

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